just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
