I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
