He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
