Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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