I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
