It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize