Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
