Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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