just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
