Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
