Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
