Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have aggressive nipples.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
