im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
