He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
