dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
