Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
