I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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