Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
