don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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