He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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