mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
