he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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