your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
