I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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