just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
