i was born a porn star she said
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
