Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
