My nipple is on Facebook.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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