so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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