i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
