Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
