If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Randomize
