He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
