naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
