Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
