my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
