girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
