I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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