I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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