i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
