Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
