Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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