I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
