Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
