we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
