You can't special order awesome
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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