I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize