come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
