His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
