my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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