sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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