I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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