Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
