the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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