He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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