God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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