I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
