I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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