I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
