do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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