i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
MIDGETS
????
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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