Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
