I'm really into asian looking animals
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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