My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
