My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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