Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
