Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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