After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
